The first couple days of school have been hit or miss. Seems like every other day is a good day and then we have a not so good day. When I take a minute to step out of the role of Ryland’s mom and really think about what we all have been through, especially him, he’s doing amazingly well. But that is easier said than done, because in real life, I am Ryland’s mom and it bothers me so bad when he has a bad day. My heart aches that he cries for us at school, I just feel terrible for him. He got in trouble in music class the other day and when I asked the teacher why she said that it was because he was being non-compliant. Nice. Just what every parent wants to hear… I really don’t think that Ryland knows he is being disrespectful - he just thinks (and says) that no, I don’t want to do that. Even though I understand that this is all so new to him and he really doesn’t know better…I was embarrassed. I started thinking about the “non-compliant” answer and immediately felt guilty. So far this is the WORST part of parenting…realizing how terrible I truly was as a child. I find myself quite often calling my mom just to say “I’m sorry” now. I wonder how embarrassed my parents were when in high school I led a class mutiny in my English class because I hated the teacher so much. She passed out papers to everyone and since I was so defiant (among many other things) I stood up, walked to the window and threw my papers out. Others followed. You couldn’t tell me what to do. I wonder how embarrassed my mom was with that phone call…and even worse, I actually did know better – I just didn’t care.
Again, sorry Mom & Dad…
We’re teaching Ryland the proper way to do/say things at school, rewarding good behavior and celebrating the small accomplishments. Surely things will be better in a few weeks. So for now, we are trying to not make too big a deal of things. This is hard, because Dustin and I have very high expectations and standards. Sorry, Ry – I know that being our child is tough. I know that there are other kids that don’t have to make their beds and can eat chocolate cake all day. But believe me; it will pay off… someday. Love you!
Hey, I am an adoptive parent and a teacher and please go easy on your self. No primary teacher expects that kids are going to do well in the begining. If they do great, but they set the bar high as it is easier to go lax once trust in earned rather than the other way around. He will get it. I am sure that I will know every one of Emerson's teacher by first name and be on the principal's speed dial. He is just that kid. We are open and honest with school about his history and we all recognize that it is a team approach to helping him be sucssesful. Teacher's don't expect perfect kids they expect kids that grow and improve and parents who look for ways they can support both the teaching environment and their child.
ReplyDeleteYes I totally agree with Karon and John I'm also a teacher of 4 to 7 year olds. Most children test the boundaries when they start school regardless of their history its quite normal many children cry for their parents too. Keep establishing those loving boundaries. Fight one battle at a time and keep an open dialogue with the school. You are all doing so well.
ReplyDeleteEvery month that we are home with Ava I look back on the month before and am in disbelief at how much things have changed. This will pass before you know it. You are not alone. I remember in our first month home, Ava was being assessed at the local school and after an hour and a half of testing, she took a block and threw it at the teacher...I couldn't believe it. Now, that would NEVER in a million years happen!! Hang in there Cortney...you've got a great boy and you're doing a wonderful job with him!
ReplyDeleteHang in there! I remember the days after we first got Julia home and into kindergarten, and it was tough! But it got better. It will! And don't apologize for loving him enough to set boundaries--it's what parents do! That is probably tough for him; I know it was for Julia at first. But there's a sense of safety that they derive from the fact that you love them, snuggle them, cuddle them, read to them, make them make their beds and clean up their toys, and watch what they eat, and get upset when they don't obey at school, because you care what happens to them.
ReplyDeleteRemember too, that he will respond to things differently than other kids, but that's ok! He's had different life experiences than most kids have had. It's what makes him who he is. He seems to be doing so well from what you've posted! No worries--things will work out!
:) Angie