Thursday, July 7, 2011


I had a terrible thought this morning.  Is my child spoiled?  Really spoiled?  If so…it’s my fault, I get that…and I hate myself for letting it happen.


This morning while Ryland was getting dressed I asked him to put his black shoes on that I thought would look better with what he was wearing.  He said he didn’t want to, he wanted to wear the white ones.  I pushed…obviously…it’s important to me that my kid looks nice.  He then tells me that he didn’t want to wear the black shoes because they didn’t fit.  The shoes don’t fit???  What???  They fit 3 days ago…did he have a freakish foot growth spurt?  When I dug deeper and kept pushing the issue, he let me know that the shoes fit, but he didn’t want to wear them because they were “old”.  He wanted to wear his new white ones.  Period.


I was angry.  Furious.  At him for being spoiled.  At me and Dustin for allowing this to happen.  Are you serious?  When I first met Ryland he didn’t even have a pair of shoes that belonged to him.  Every day when we went to visit he always had a different pair on.  Mostly too big, some too small, some girls, some sandals when it was cold, all the shoes there did have one thing in common though…they were old.   How can we have let this happened in a year?  It’s been SO HARD not to spoil him, so hard…because of what he had.  He had no toys…so giving him 2 toys is spoiling him…  We don’t want to raise a spoiled kid, it’s very important to us.  But, it’s a battle we fight daily.


I can’t be mad at Ry.  It’s not his fault.  He is accustomed to his new environment.  The one where I buy him new shoes all the time. 


Or maybe I’m blowing this whole thing out of proportion…maybe the kid just likes his shoes to look a certain way…I do…








  1. I am having that same feeling right now, but mine is because we are about to have a baby and I am struggling with not making her feel left out. I think as long as Ryland isn't being bratty about it and always expecting something you should be fine. :) You an Dustin are great parents and it's like you said Ryland is adjusting.

  2. I think this is a really common issue with any kid who has had deprevation and been old enough to know it. My mom grew up very poor, and now hoards mass amonts of food and things to provide her with assurance she will never go back to that way of life. Isaac, our son we adopted last year, is just now starting to be picky. Last year he would eat all the crumbs off the floor because he really didn't trust their would be enough or more food. Now he gets up and leaves the table with his food half eaten. I am sad that he does this, but at the same time part of me realizes that he is healing when he does normal rude 4 year old things. The other thing is that he is a Kazak boy, and I swear their love of nice shoes is genetic. Emerson will nortice new shoes and nice shoes everywhere we go.

  3. Well, here is proof positive that you don't need to grow a placenta to grow mommy guilt! LOL

    He's a great kid. He's a NICE kid. Who cares if he's spoiled? I don't think spoiled is even the right term. Spoiled means a child that exhibits behavioral problems resulting from overindulgence from his parents. I hardly think Ry would be described as A. having behavioral problems, or B. unappreciative of his belongings in any way. I think, as long as he understands the privileges of what he gets in life (and I’m sure he does because you communicate with him), and he is willing to be generous and kind to others through giving (which I am also sure he does)....give him what YOU WANT to give him! :-) He’s not spoiled; he’s loved. We don't have kids to hold back on giving them material things....we have kids to love them to death, and indulge them the things we can afford to give. Plus, I get the feeling he has a good sense of style :D

  4. And, are an even better parent because you recognize the potential, and you worry about it! That just shows you care. Now, go get him another pair of shoes!

  5. You are great parents, don't worry. It could just be the way they feel on him or just because they are different. He is going to have his own feelings and opinions on clothes, etc. I think if you teach your child to also be charitable and giving, I don't see that they could be spoiled. Now I feel guilty for us giving him a present :P.