Monday, January 30, 2012

Too (adverb) - to an excessive extent or degree; beyond what is desirable, fitting, or right

I won't lie...I've spent some time being pretty impressed with my ability to find flaws.  I never thought of myself as critical or at least I never thought of being critical as being a negative thing.  I've always thought it was a good thing, a gift if you will.  I can see things that other people can't or don't want to.  I'm helpful.  How can you grow and improve if someone is always there to say how awesome you are?  If you need that lady in your life...that lady is definitely not me.  I will give it to you straight.  I've ALWAYS's better to know.  It's always better to actually know where you stand with someone, what your flaws are, where your gaps are, etc.  It's hard, sure, but it's better to know.  In my mind anyway.

So, I've been thinking about this all day.  Am I too critical?  I started to do some research.  I started with polling people and I called my mom, "Mom, do you think I am too critical?".  "Cort, this is a loaded question." 

Ok, ok...I'll admit it...I'm critical.  I'd rather use the word helpful, but I get it...critical it is.  The question I've been pondering is am I too critical?  It's that 3 letter word, TOO, that has me soul-searching.  During my search, I came across this website ( and this list. 

Below are some red flags that signal you may be too critical. Read this list with an open mind. While you’re going through the list, imagine what your partner or children would say about each item on the list.

• You frequently “suggest” a different hairstyle, outfit or “tip” for your partner or children upon seeing them wearing something you don’t think looks good.

• Upon entry into the home you “greet” your family by commenting about what a mess the house is or complaining about something they did or did not do.

• When your children or partner help, you are more frustrated by how they helped than you are thankful that they did help.

• After every sports event or school activity, you lead your review with what they need to work on or could’ve done better rather than giving them positives.

• You follow after your partner and “fix” what they didn’t do quite right. For example, you reload the dishwasher after your partner just loaded it.

• You frequently tell your partner or children what they should and shouldn’t do under the guise of being helpful.

• Your first comments regarding report cards pertain to the poor grades and you slide right past the good ones.

• One or both of your parents were critical and had very high expectations.

• If you ask your partner to do three things and they do two, you complain about the one thing they didn’t do.

• The people in your life tell you you’re always critical or comment that they can never do anything right in your eyes.

After reviewing the list with an open mind, I feel that I am a definite offender of 5 out of the 10.  Dustin scored me a 5 out of 10, as well.  Wow.  I guess this is something that I really need to work on. 


  1. I came across your blog on a page about Kazakhstan adoption. It was very funny that you just came to this realization, because I had the exact same realization a week or two ago. I like to be a straight shooter, and it works in my marriage most of the time because my husband doesn't get his feelings hurt easily. As a result, I think it had become a habit to be so straight-forward that it maybe came off as mean and critical. I'm really worried about being like this because my parents were always so supportive and positive to me and my sisters, but everyone else seems to have a story about how their mother pointed out some flaw of theirs, and it bothered them for life. I definitely don't want to be THAT mother when I have children. Anyway, I guess this was a long way of saying, "I can relate!"

  2. Dang! I was 5/10 too. Maybe it's our name? :)