Inspiration from Jimmy John's

As I was eating a delicious sandwich with my family last night, I was mesmerized by this poster that was up on the wall at Jimmy John's.  It was a bunch of simple, yet profound, quotes.  It's inspired me to write some things down and share my thoughts on these.


I believe…

that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.  (Author Unkown)

Whoa.  I couldn't believe this statement to be more true.  There are few things in life that drive me crazier than people who blame where they are at in life or how they have turned out on their background.  No one had a perfect childhood.  No one.  You are what you make yourself to be.  Don't use your past as an excuse.  Use it to better your life.

You are what you make yourself to be.  Think about it.

Waiting...

It's crazy to think that a year ago today things were so different. Our agency hadn't told us that we had received our LOI yet.  Our agency hadn't told us that they were shutting down the program in Kaz yet.  We were clueless.  We had no idea.  We had been waiting for almost 3 years and were tired.  Sometimes I used to think that we would never get to go to Kazakhstan.  Sometimes I thought I was never meant to be a mother.  For one reason or another it just wouldn't work out.  I was an emotional mess.  Whenever I heard that someone had a successful adoption, I broke.  I envied them.  I loathed them.  Why them?  Why not me?  I used to cry and cry.  I felt that no one understood how I felt.  Dustin and I are great people.  We're young.  We're fun.  Why can't it be our turn?  Why can't this come easily?  Such a low point of our lives.  Waiting kills.  At this time last year, it was so hard for me to talk about.  I felt like no one had any idea what I was going through and if I even started to talk about it, I turned into a sobbing crazy lady.

When my agency informed us that they were closing down the program in Kaz, I was a mess.  I was devastated.  I was furious.  I was heartbroke.  I hated everything.  It's hard for me to even think about now and re-live.  My wounds still haven't healed.  I'm still angry.  How could that happen to us?  We work hard, we pay our bills, we pay our taxes, we love openly, we're good citizens; how could something like this happen to us?  My heart broke.  I KNEW our child was in Kazakhstan.  I just knew it.  I'd known it for years - or so I thought.  Was my judgement that off?  Did I mis-read my gut feeling?  Maybe I did.  Maybe I'm not meant to be a mother.  I was so sure that I'd known.  This change in the game perplexed me.  Poor, poor Dustin.  Not only was he devastated too, but he had to be a rock for me when I was at my worst.

Good think we stuck to that gut feeling and went to Kaz anyway.  Our trip was long, hard and an emotional roller coaster.  But it was worth every moment.  (I'm sure you've seen the pics of my adorable son!  So proud!)  I now get to be one of those moms that other prospective adoptive parents envy.  I now have a whole community of people that do know 100% how I am feeling.  That is an amazing thing.  Amazing.  I still cry from time to time - but not out of emptiness.  We've been home 7 months and I am still adjusting to our new life.  It is weird to just go with the flow and not be utterly and totally 100% consumed by waiting.  Obsessing about Kazakhstan, our child to be, traveling, etc.  It's weird.  The hardest part of the adoption process is not the paperwork or the expense...it's the waiting.

Sadie Stone

I would like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to our dog, Sadie. Best. Family. Dog. Ever.

S ooooo tolerant
A lways happy
D ependable
I rreplaceable
E xtraordinary

When I sit back and think of all the things she does with and for us…it’s simply amazing. This dog is just as much a member of this family as anyone else.
Ry jumped on her head this weekend and she did nothing (except look at me like “Are you serious?”).
She was kind enough to get a temporary tattoo on her belly when Ryland wanted her to have one, too.
No matter where I am in the house, if I start crying she knows and comes and finds me.
She dances hip hop with us, even though she hates it.
She will wear whatever you put on her.
She’s great with kids, the groomer, the vet, riding in a car, walking off leash, eating, listening and pretty much everything else.

We are so proud of our furry girl and are so glad she’s a Stone.

29

Well...it happened.  I turned 29 and the world did not stop spinning.  This age is surreal to me.  I remember a time when I thought 29 was old *cue gasp*.  I've always told myself that 29 will be the last age that I turn.  I'll be one of those ladies that claims she is 29 forever.  I will work my magic on someone at the DMV to have them change my birth date to reflect this little plan of mine.  I will color my hair... forever.  I will be that lady that's 55, but clearly dressing like she is 18.  I will be that lady who refuses to age.  I will be wearing glitter make-up forever!


Well - that's what I've always told myself.  But now, that just seems silly.  Those women that refuse to let go of their youth look RIDICULOUS!  I don't want to be part of that crew.  I want to embrace my age and age gracefully.  I want to look fab at 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 & 90.  I want to have some wrinkles (not a lot) but I want my kids to know that I smiled with abandonment and was happy all the time.  I want them to embrace growing up and not fear it.

So, that's what I am going to try to do.

Will you be my Valentine?

Wow...in my head, I had this perfect little day all planned out.  I LOVE Valentine's Day.  I was so excited to do some of the things that I did as a kid.

Before going in to my story, let me preface it with this statement.  Dustin usually does the morning routine with Ry and I help out where I can before I head to work. 

This morning, I got up early and got ready so that I could make a special breakfast for Ryland.  Wanted to pass on my family's tradition.  Homemade, heart-shaped pink biscuits.

Dustin had been sick all night and just as it was time for him to get up I realized he wouldn't be getting up.  Crazy, freakishly sick.  So, the whole morning was up to me...which is fine...if I have time to plan for it.  Got Ry up, showed him his Valentine's presents, made the biscuits, tinted the milk, made the special Valentine's lunch (complete with a heart shaped sandwich), got him ready, opened Valentines and finally off to school.  He was a terror this morning.  All the while I was running late.  I hate being late.  I was in a terrible mood.  Ridiculous traffic (now I remember why I go in to the office early).  Rough start to the day.

Ry had an equally bad day at school, surprise surprise.  I'm mad at myself because I think I caused most of it by freaking out so much this morning since things weren't living up to what I had envisioned.  Rough day, just felt like I was off my game and always one step behind. 

Very rough evening for a 5 year old...wow...  We put him to bed an hour early and he just cried his little self to sleep.  Not sure what the deal was today.  Maybe he was abducted by aliens?  Sure hope my Ryland is back tomorrow...there is only so much this Mama can take!

Dustin, his Ny-Quil, Vicks and everything else are already dead asleep.

I'm looking for a Valentine.  I'm pretty sure that I will ask the strawberry cupcake in the kitchen to "be mine", grab a few chocolates for good measure and watch a movie.

Hope you've had a good day!  I'm looking foward to Valentine's Day II in my near future!

XOXO,
Cort

Fiesta!

My family...how do I explain them?  Never a dull moment!  Love them all so much!

My birthday is tomorrow and my sis-in-law came up with the idea of throwing me a FIESTA!  I do love cheesy, fun things and it ended up being a huge hit! 

Delicious mexican food, hilarious games, decorations, flowers for the girls' hair and mustaches for the gents!

A good time was had by all!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FAMILY - I love you all so much!

Don't worry - I'm not a bad mother; Ry was enjoying a mocktail!

Girls Night

Tonight is a different kind of Girls Night.  Thinking about tonight makes me feel old.  I have one niece and she is 8 years old.  She is ECSTATIC to go see Justin Bieber's movie "Never Say Never".  Being a woman in this family, I have to be in on this.  I want to be in on this.  She's growing up!

Do you have Bieber Fever?